It was in grade two that I encountered the Dunce Cap. I think I evaded having it crown my head but one thing’s for sure: the bright yellow paper cone with the big, black letters D-U-N-C-E C-A-P made an indelible impression.
School was no longer just about discovery, creativity and making friends. It was now also a place demarcating some people from the rest of us. A place of grades. Of pointing out in all kinds of ways who met the bar and who didn’t.
Thankfully we’ve long since figured out that putting dunce caps on 8 year olds is a really lousy thing to do. What we haven’t figured out yet is that judging our worth by the way we handle our money is an equally lousy thing to do.
We all have our particular, acutely sensitive spots regarding our money. When it’s touched, our whole being gets called into question.
For me, it’s bouncing a cheque. I imagine the other party judging me as incompetent at managing my financial affairs. I imagine the other party judging me as, gasp!, so broke my bank account couldn’t handle the $37.50. Neither is actually the case, of course, and for all I know those thoughts didn’t cross their mind. But when it happens, it robs me of sleep, an anxious tail-spin ensues and it takes days to gain perspective. (note. even here I feel compelled to state: It rarely happens! Honest!)
What is it for you?
• Carrying debt? (goodness knows we get enough media commentary on this!)
• Unable to buy a home - a deep-seated Canadian value - in this market?
• No real retirement savings to speak of?
• Guilt about lack of control over your money?
• Feeling like you don’t measure up to where you ‘should’ be, financially?
What I can say is this. You’re in good company. I’ve encountered numerous individuals, fine people – professors, single parents, working class, high income earners – who struggle in this crucial area.
I have a deal to pitch. It’s this. Let’s all give ourselves a break. Let’s all acknowledge that life is messy… hell, we’re often messy… and that our money may be terribly messy. But there’s hope in this mess. It’s September. It’s back to school time.
Anyone who wants can let go of self-judgment, clearly differentiate between our inherent worth and our current financial skills and circumstances, and learn. There’s no fear of grades or measurement. Let’s courageously reclaim our creativity, the thrill of discovery and befriend our finances. What works? What doesn’t? How can we nurture and grow it? How can we manage it in a way that reflects our values?
There are no dunce caps around and neither is there pressure to become top of the class. It’s about a quiet, inner sense of confidence and growing competence. It’s about our money increasingly becoming a blessing to us, and those around us. That’s financial freedom!
(as originally published in Shared Vision Magazine)
Acr’teryx Factory
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