Hmmm. Resistance. To recording expenses again. Collecting the receipts seems to be no problem. But I haven’t been able to sit myself down in front of the spreadsheet and enter them all. What’s that about? Obviously it’s about the fear of seeing where my money is actually going. I remember where my money went the last time I tracked expenses. But I wonder how my habits have changed since the last time I did this? Where is my money actually going now? Last month I said I wasn’t afraid to know…but I’m realizing that’s not entirely true! Once I see where the money is actually going then I will feel pressure to make informed choices about spending, and how to adjust things so I achieve the financial goals I’m striving for. That means no more denial about my spending habits!! eeeeeeeek!

I remember feeling resistant to this exercise the first time around too. That was almost two years ago. In the end, recording expenses turned out to be so helpful that the fear and apprehension I experienced initially was outweighed by the benefits of what I learned about how I handle my money. It was a very empowering exercise. So even as I’m writing this I’m aware that recording the receipts in the spreadsheet won’t be as hard to do as I think it will. And I know I will learn a lot by doing it!

It’s hard to understand what makes us resist that which we know is good for us. So many things in life are like this - it seems to be human nature to resist choices that will improve our lives. Yet, I have committed myself to financial, physical, spiritual and emotional health. To be successful in each of these areas I believe it’s important to accept that progress of any kind is always subject to ebbs and flows. Currently I feel that I am experiencing flow in every area of my life, perhaps with the exception of finances. (Well, unless you count “cashflow” - as in “flow right out of my hands”!!) The last several months saw my financial flow recede to a financial ebb for a time. I can feel the return of flow as I re-develop the habit of expense recording and analyzing my spending patterns.

Nancy once explained it to me very succinctly: in our lives we are subject to seasons. Sometimes we are in the summer of our lives where everything is lush and full and vibrant. Other times we are experiencing winter. Things are dormant, energy is more subdued, life is spare rather than abundant. The same is true of finances (among many other things). What feels promising for me is that Spring is both literally and figuratively on the horizon!

So “carpe spreadsheetum”…Spring, here I come!